Pandemic – Need for Touch
It’s April 2021. Life is changed. The way we meet and connect has changed. Many people are suffering from touch deprivation. But as restrictions are lifting more and more people are finding the benefits of having one close partner. Here are some tips to keep that connection alive and spontaneous. Of course, practise all health and safety guidelines. If either of you is feeling unwell. Do not meet and get covid tested. Let’s stay safe and take care of each other.
So you’ve met a guy that you like. What are the top ten ways to impress, undress and stress-less about getting a second date or even finding that long-term mate? Believe it or not … Tantric Gay Massage could have all the answers. Doesn’t matter where you live, Gold-Coast, Sydney, Canberra, Melbourne or Brisbane, Gay Tantric Massage can honestly help you enjoy your sex life more.
Gay tantric massage or gay sensual touch can help you become fluent in body language. Here are my top ten tips … when you make a booking with me I will demonstrate a lot of this with you or we will talk about it.
No.1 Make contact with yourself. What does that actually mean? It means being aware of your own body. Being sober is the best way to facilitate this but if you are gonna have some dutch courage then limit it. If you can feel your own senses then the chances are you can be more in tune with his too. Do the sensory checklist: feel your heartbeat, feel your breath going in and out of your body, what’s the temperature of the room or the elements on your skin (wind, sun, rain, humidity)? What can you hear? What can you see? What can you taste? This little checklist can take less than a minute and really put you in your body as opposed to your racing mind.
No.2 Make eye contact with him. So the image on this blog is making some cheeky eye contact. But you’ve already entered the lust highway here. That’s all well and good but maybe wait a bit before you make lustful choices – even when pleasing him. He might walk away thinking that the sex was great but he might not remember anything about you. Make eye contact. Really look at him. Don’t give him the stalker stare … but look into his eyes appropriately during conversation. Especially when clinking glasses and saying cheers. Otherwise its seven years of bad sex.
No.3 Use his name. When we use someone’s name when we are talking to them it really tells them that we are present – engaged. Of course, you can’t say their name too much … that’s just plain weird. But it gives the signal that you see them, hear them and care about them. How many times have you forgotten someone’s name during sex? Not a good look.
No.4 Talking. The Goldilocks Rule … don’t say too much and don’t say too little. Get it just right. Say just enough. Here’s the clue … always check if your need to say something that matches the listener’s desire to hear it. He might not want to know every time you had great sex with some random guy you met at a nightclub. Be appropriate with what you say, what you share … give him a taste of you. Don’t force-feed him the whole menu in one sitting.
No.5 Listening. The Goldilocks Rule. Conversely, you need to get your listening skills just right too. That old cliché comes in handy here. You might be listening but are you hearing. Most people are listening and responding (thinking of how it relates to them and waiting for a chance to say ‘me too’). When you hear someone it means you give them the stage. Ask opening questions … How did that make you feel? Was it as interesting/frightening/curious as it sounds? You must have been so thrilled? When you are listening and hearing the chances are you’ll remember what they have said. That will score points on the second and third date and so on.
No.6 Honesty. So often on first dates, we want to show our best sides. We don’t want to overshare are shadow side. And yet it’s just plain honest to also reveal a little bit about your vulnerable side … the part that makes you human. Not some image managed version of yourself. This can be endearing when you can show … You have shit going on like most people but you also have the resources to deal with it appropriately. If you share any vulnerabilities … watch what his response is. Gauge if he is on the same page … did he look at you or look awkwardly away (keep that contact with him and with yourself alive).
No.7. Patience. Here’s something radical. Maybe don’t jump into bed on the first date. But rather at the end of the evening talk about where you are both at. Take the lead. If you are interested in him and would like to see him again … just say that (yes it might be scary but every guy loves confidence and a risk-taker). It’s always much more flattering than a forced sexual advance. When we say, I really want to see you again and I’d like to wait before we have sex, it tells the other person they mean more than just a quick fuck. Ask them how they feel … it might seem like you’re putting them on the spot but hey – they’ll respect you and they’ll get over it.
No.8 Slow Down. Assuming there’s mutual attraction and mutual consent and you’re going in for the first kiss (terrifying and exhilarating), here’s the secret, slow down. Practice contact with yourself and contact with him. Forget all the porn films you’ve seen. Have an authentic experience listening and witnessing your body biology and chemistry. Listen to his heart rate … feel his responses. Enjoy the life force and sexually energy coursing through your veins. Resist the urge to grab or grope – instead be subtle. Be tender. Feel frustrated as lust and primal urges arrive. It seems a little old fashioned now but waiting used to be such a thrill. Instant gratification fires dopamine and adrenalin and cortisol. Which can be stressful for the body. Cultivating longer sessions of caress, tenderness and sexual arousal help heal and nourish the body.
No. 9. Communication. So it’s time to get naked. Time to slip into bed and into each other. This is where most people get tongue-tied … awkward, uncomfortable … the best thing to do is to keep open communication going. That doesn’t always mean asking questions or needing validating. For me, there’s nothing worse than when I’m in the throes of ecstasy (visible and audible) because my sex partner is doing such a great job and they stop and say, ‘Do you like that?’ Communicate with words and Q&A at the flirting and getting to know each other stage. Then let the body do the rest of the talking. Having said that … find the confidence to gently say, that’s not working for me, or like that … keep going etc.
No.10 Ride the Roller Coaster. When we meet a new potential long term sexual partner there are two main phases; 1) Anticipation and Excitement then a little while later comes 2) Fear and Insecurities. These four elements will take you on quite a roller coaster. Depending on your age, level of experience, your background, upbringing, parental love and guidance … you are gonna have a very unique blueprint for navigating love, lust and intimate relating. This is where the true magic of tantric sex and sensual tantric massage and connection can really help. Touch can say so much. If we learn how to master our sexual energy and take care of each other we can have a much more fun and nurturing time with sex and love. We can even break up more tenderly. Remember that we are all in this together. Everyone is doing their best. Be kind to yourself and your partner or partners. How long you stay on a roller coaster really is dependent on your relationship with your own integrity.
I hope this helps … in-to-me-you-see (intimacy) is a human need. Treasure it. And I look forward to working with you in a tantric massage session where a lot of this is just experienced through the body and not the mind.