One of the most debilitating emotions that we can hold is shame. It is for the most part elusive and we have managed to cleverly avoid it with all sorts of mind strategies. We all have secret places deep in our psyche where shame is lurking. Where one finds sexual intimacy, sexual pleasure and sexual desire, one will often find elements of shame. They seem to have been merged from an early age. Of course they alter from culture to culture. The Scandinavians, for example, do not have the same amount of self-consciousness as other European cultures when it comes to nudity. It is part of their culture, a deliberate part of their culture, to expose the crippling effects of excessive modesty.
I often joke with my clients when they are booking in for a tantric massage, and are perhaps nervous about being naked, that ‘all will be revealed – literally.’ I pride myself on welcoming all shapes and sizes, ages and levels of fitness. There are some tantric massage therapists who simply will not massage older or larger clients because they are limited in their technique etc. I take a different approach … I am massaging the person, their being, their heart and soul, not just their body.
No matter what our shape and size, sexual orientation, ability or disability – we all respond dramatically to loving and present touch. That’s my main objective with tantric massage … to release the shackles of shame. I have never met a client who did not have some level of uncomfortable feelings of shame or vulnerability during the massage. Gay men have a lot of shame, especially older gay men. They may have compensated with being promiscuous, a kind of counter-phobia. But this also leads to feelings of shame and dissatisfaction because often love and intimacy was sacrificed.
The perfect antidote to shame is direct loving sexual and healing touch; the considered unfurling of pleasure. The encouragement of pleasure, expression of voice and the permissions both explicit and implicit can liberate the sexual persona of someone. Even those who thought they were liberated can experience new and higher levels of freedom in their sexual expression. In short, I want to illustrate by example that we can all be better lovers. Better in all ways – in and out of bed.
I will end this blog the same way that I will end every blog by letting you know that your direct experience of tantric massage will surpass any description that mere words can evoke. However, I will try and keep you informed and curious so that you will trust yourself enough to make a booking with me.